How Much I Love You

Dear Emily,

A month ago, we went to Target. While there, we walked through the school supplies section. You and Jacob were so excited to see all the new crayons, backpacks and markers. It was fun to watch you both. When we walked pass the aisle with lunch kits (I'll never understand why they say "kit" instead of "box" here.) you asked if we could look at those too. I said yes. At the end of the aisle, next to all those lunch kits, were various plastic water bottles, thermoses and containers to use with the lunch kits. We stood in that section for about ten minutes, looking at all the different things. You found a Littlest Pet Shop thermos. You called it a canteen. :) It was purple and silver. You told me how a friend at school had it last year. You showed us all how the top could flip open with the push of a button, and reveal a straw for drinking your water.

You asked if we could buy it for you. I looked at the price and told you, "maybe some other time," because I thought it was rather pricey. You didn't like my answer, but it wasn't "no," so you were OK as we walked away.

During the next few weeks, almost everytime we went to Target, we saw the canteen. Even if we were just walking past the school section. At home, you talked about the canteen more and more. Jacob soon wanted one as well.

I kept watching the ads and the price tags at the store, but the price was only lowered by $1.99. I still thought they were overpriced.

Finally, we came up with a deal. I told you and Jacob that if you behaved well, particularly at bedtime (which is THE HARDEST time of day for us right now) for 7 days, we would go and get the canteens.

You and Jacob tried your hardest to be good. If you ever started to slip, all I had to do was mention the canteens, and you were immediately doing what you were supposed to again. I have to admit, I loved having that carrot to dangle in front of you for a whole week.

Monday was the day we had agreed to go get the canteens. We woke up, got dressed and went to storytime at the community center. Then we ran two quick errands and headed to Target. Even as we walked in, I still couldn't believe I was about to pay for these expensive canteens, but I knew I had agreed to.

Unlike a month ago, the school section was buzzing with people. The lunch kit aisle was busy, so I stayed off to the side with the shopping cart, Matthew, and Megan, and told you and Jacob to go find the canteens. I positioned myself to be able to see if the one you wanted was there. I was surprised to see the purple and silver LPS canteens were all gone. No, it couldn''t be. Yes, it was. It was gone. They were all gone.

I wondered how you'd react. I watched you eagerly walk up and wait your turn to get through the group of people. I watched you look around and realize the canteen wasn't there. I saw your face as you walked back to me. You looked so sad. There was no anger. No tears. You didn't tantrum or throw a fit. You were just so sad. Quiet and sad.

My heart sank. Suddenly, I felt like a horrible mother. Why didn't I get it for you before? Why did I make you wait? We even had a deal, and now I couldn't come through with my part of it.

I had to get that canteen for you now. My sweet 7-year-old girl had worked very hard to be good and help at home and had dreamt about this canteen for weeks now. I couldn't let you down.

We got back in the car as quickly as we could and drove to the next closest Target I could think of, about 25 minutes away. While we were driving I had a quiet prayer in my heart that Megan would keep sleeping (because it was time to feed her) and we would find the canteen.

We quickly unloaded and headed into the new store. We walked straight to the school section. I noticed it wasn't as busy as the other store. It made me hopeful. You seemed a bit nervous and anxious. The aisles were organized differently, but we soon found the lunch kits. You ran to the section at the end, and THERE IT WAS! Oh, the joy! Oh, the delight! Oh, the happiness! Pure bliss filled your face as you saw there were so many of them! You carefully picked the one you wanted. You checked to make sure it opened and closed correctly. You were all smiles. It was fun to be there with you.

As we drove home from the store that day, I thought about how at first the price tag seemed too great, but when I realized how much you wanted that canteen and how hard you had tried to earn it, the price suddenly didn't matter. I was willing to do anything to get it for you. It reminded me of our Heavenly Father. How He loves us so very much, and is willing to give us great and wonderful blessings, even with all our imperfections and mistakes.

How grateful I am for you, Emily, and the lessons you teach me.

I love you.

-Mommy